“KB?” Momma finally says. Her voice is shaky, like she either been crying or trying not to cry.
“I’m here,” I say.
“I just want you to know that . . . nobody’s perfect. Not even the people who you want to be perfect. Need to be perfect. Even those people are going to make mistakes. And it’s up to us, the ones who get hurt, to decide what’s going to happen after that.”
“But what if you don’t wanna forgive ’em?” I ask, looking at Nia.
“I’m gonna tell you something that’s taken me a long time to learn,” Momma says. “In life, we’re going to get hurt. If we stay focused on that hurt, and nothing else, then we won’t ever be able to heal. But if we focus on the healing, well, then we’ll start to notice that hurt disappear. It’s all a matter of what you choose to focus on.”
I nod, then remember Momma can’t see me, so I say, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Have fun at dinner.”
“I love you, Momma.”
“I love you back, KB.” Momma hangs up, but I keep the phone up to my ear a few seconds longer.
“So,” Nia says, breaking the silence, “looks like you ain’t get to tell her bout the plan, either.” I shake my head no and we both stare at each other for a second before breaking out into giggles. “Same ol’ Momma,” Nia says.
“Same ol’ Momma,” I say back.
* * *
We decide to go to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. It’s the perfect choice cause I love the chips and cheese they bring out to the table when we first sit down, and chicken quesadillas are Nia’s favorite food. Seems like Granddaddy happy with the choice, too, cause he eats almost all of the first basket of chips before I can.
After our failed conversation with Momma, me and Nia decided we would go back to the original plan, trying to convince Granddaddy that we should all live together in Lansing. And since Nia don’t know everything I know, my other secret plan is to get Granddaddy to apologize to Momma. At first, I was nothin’ but mad at Granddaddy. But then I remembered everything he told me bout how much he loved Momma; how scared he was after Granny died. When I put that together with what Momma said—if we focus on the healing, we’ll start to notice the hurt disappear—I decided that it ain’t bout me knowing and understanding what happened; it’s bout Momma and Granddaddy doin’ that for themselves.
“So, Granddaddy,” Nia starts up before our food even arrives, “we’ve been thinking.”
“Is that so,” Granddaddy says, smirking as he takes a sip of his water. “And what have you been thinking about, exactly?”
“Well, summer is almost over. And we still haven’t heard anything about when exactly Momma is planning to come back. Have you talked to her?” Nia innocently stirs her ice cubes around with her straw.
Granddaddy shifts in his seat, then clasps and unclasps his hands two times before speaking. “We ain’t talked much. But your momma got other stuff to worry bout right now.”
“Like what?” Nia asks, sneaking a glance at me. I pretend not to notice, cause I don’t exactly want Granddaddy to know that I told Nia what we talked bout. It don’t make much sense for me to know and not Nia, but still, I ain’t sure if I was s’posed to tell.
“It’s not my place to tell your momma’s business,” Granddaddy answers with a sigh, “but all you need to know is that she’s taking care of some stuff, and she gon’ be back soon as she can.” Granddaddy looks at Nia, then looks at me. Now I know he knows that I told her.
“Can you tell us bout what Momma was like when she was our age?” I say quickly, tryna change the subject before Nia gets too impatient or Granddaddy gets too mad. And it seems like it works, cause Granddaddy’s face softens, and even Nia perks up to listen.
“She was just like the both of you, rolled into one.” Granddaddy smiles as he gazes off at the image of young Momma that lives in his mind. “Beautiful and tough. Funny and serious. Smart as a whip and determined to do whatever she said she was gon’ do. And always asking too many questions,” Granddaddy finishes with a wink.
As I listen, I put an image of young Momma together in my mind, adding pieces from me and pieces from Nia. I wish I could know her that way, cause I bet we would be best friends. Momma now ain’t much like the Momma that Granddaddy describes.
Seems like Nia thinking the same, cause then she asks, “How come Momma so different now?”
Granddaddy sits up, just a little. “What you mean, different?”
“Well, she’s still beautiful and smart for sure. And I get the serious part, definitely. But funny? Tough? That don’t sound much like the Momma we know.”
“Well, she can be funny when she wanna be,” I cut in, remembering the funny notes she wrote on that homemade wrapping paper years ago.
“Hold on nah, you don’t think your momma is tough?” Granddaddy asks, now sittin’ all the way up. “After all that she’s been through, I’m surprised she’s still standing.”
“What has she been through?” Nia takes the opportunity to ask. “You just mean what happened to Daddy, or something else?”
Granddaddy looks at me again, this time with a face that says, See what happens when you tell secrets? “Nia—” Granddaddy starts, but just then, our food arrives. We all sit there quiet while our waiter sets down full, hot plates in front of each of us. Once he walks away, Granddaddy talks again, not even bothering to look at his food.
“What is it that yawl girls want?” We don’t say nothin’， but Granddaddy ain’t easily fooled. “C’mon now, I know yawl want somethin’。 I could tell from the minute we got here that yawl had a plan. So gon’ ’head. Spill it.” Granddaddy takes a big bite of his food and chews slowly while he waits for us to talk.
Nia stuffs a bite of quesadilla in her mouth and looks at me. I look back at her and shrug. Maybe it’s time to just tell Granddaddy the truth. Nia’s still looking at me, so now I nod.
“We want to stay here,” Nia whispers once she finishes chewing, not making eye contact with Granddaddy.
“Speak up, girl,” Granddaddy replies. “You know I can’t understand you when you mumble.”
This time, I jump in, louder. “We wanna stay here, with you, Granddaddy.”
“In Lansing,” Nia finishes, then we both look at Granddaddy at once.
“Oh,” Granddaddy says eventually, like maybe we caught him off guard. “But what about yawl Momma?”
“We want her to live here with you, too,” Nia says quickly. “We think it would be perfect for all of us!” Nia pauses mid-excitement. “That is, if you have enough space, and want us to stay and stuff.” Now Nia looks back down at the table. Granddaddy reaches cross the table and places his finger underneath her chin, tipping her head up so she’s looking right at him.
“Of course I want you to stay.” Granddaddy smiles, Nia smiles, I smile. “It’s just”—Granddaddy leans back into the booth—“I don’t know if your momma is gon’ want to stay here, with me.”