His mother lifted her gaze from the top of the coffee table. “As a mother, what we all want is for our children to be happy.” She wiped her eyes. “Sometimes I guess we don’t understand how our kids can do that. With my mother it was bell-bottom jeans.” She smiled. “I wanted a pair more than anything else, and your grandmother hated the idea. She thought it foolish, stupid, and a hippie waste of money. Her exact words. She hated your father for years after we got married because she’d wanted me to marry her best friend’s son, Kyle.” Mom shivered. “I never liked him. He was always mean and self-entitled. So was his mother, come to think of it.”
James didn’t say anything at all. He didn’t want to interrupt whatever thought flow she was having. Even when she grew quiet, he didn’t speak.
“How do you know that this is going to make you happy? Because as far as I can see all you’re opening yourself up for is a lot of hurt.” She tried to smile and failed.
“Mama, this isn’t something I just decided. I have lived with knowing I was gay for almost thirteen years. I’ve lived with hurt and experienced hate firsthand both in my personal life and at work. I’m well aware of what’s coming my way. But you need to know that there are good parts too. I have wonderful friends and I work with good people.” He wanted to make her feel better.
“They know?” she asked, and James nodded. “But I didn’t. I’m your mother, I should have been told. I may not understand, but you didn’t even give me the chance to try. You kept that from me and your father. I think that’s what hurts the most.”
“Mom,” James growled. He was about to call bullshit on that. “You know you want things the way that you want them. How long have you tried to fix me up with the daughters of your friends? Would you have tried to fix me up with their sons instead? Or tried to sweep that I was gay under the carpet? Be honest, if you had known when I was seventeen that I was gay, what would you have done?” He hit her with a level stare and saw the answer in the way she bit her lip. James knew she and his father would have tried to fix him, and that would have been a fate worse than hell.
“Still, finding out you’re gay on the eve of Holly’s wedding and that your date is a transvestite wasn’t exactly a barrel of monkeys.” She actually smiled, and James knew in that instant that things were going to be all right. His mom may not understand, but she would try, and that was all he could ask for.
“I’ll give you that.” He smirked, and she smacked his arm.
“Don’t be smart,” she snapped lightly.
“And just so you know, Daniel isn’t a transvestite, he’s a drag queen, and the best in Chicago. Daniel didn’t lie about his background; he is a performer. He does cabaret and is breathtaking. He sings, dances, and acts…all of it in front of a live audience, and Daniel does it with style and in the highest heels you have ever seen.” And a grace that blew James away. “When I saw the show, I didn’t know what to make of it at first.”
“Is that the sort of thing that you like?” his mother asked hesitantly, probably realizing where this was going and unsure how to stop herself.
James’s eyes widened. “Do you really want to talk about the kind of guys I like? Because I don’t think that’s a subject you’re really up for right now. I sure as hell know that I’m not.” That was definitely more detail than his mother needed.
“Yeah, okay. I agree.” She waved her hands in front of her face. “And Daniel…what are you going to do with him?” she asked.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I love him, Mom, and I haven’t even said so to him yet. That’s probably kind of backwards to tell you first, but I do. I’ve fallen in love with him. I need to tell him, and find out if there’s a chance that he might want to see where this could go between us.” James wrung his hands, just like he always had whenever he seemed to be stepping into an argument with his mother.
“Yes, we need to talk,” Daniel said from behind him. James turned, not knowing how Daniel would react. “And you’re right, things are definitely backward if you’re telling your mother that you love me first.” Those incredible hands made their way to Daniel’s hips, a sure sign that James had messed up again.
His mother got up and left the room, still dabbing her eyes, but she seemed calmer. James knew he’d have to have a similar conversation with his father eventually, but right now, he had a much more important one to have with Daniel.