Totally and Completely Fine(89)

This time, I knew where they were—in the closet behind the stairs. I remembered seeing them there one of the nights that I’d thought to organize the space, before I’d decided otherwise. That was the place I kept all of Spencer’s stuff. The things I couldn’t stand to get rid of.

They were dusty and covered with a few spiderwebs.

Spencer had been proud of them—they’d been bought piecemeal with his discount from the hardware store, and when he finally had the full set he wanted, nothing was unfixable. Even if it didn’t need to be fixed. He’d replaced the door handle on the upstairs bathroom no fewer than three times.

I held those tools in my hands and didn’t want to give them to Ben.

Which was silly. They were just things. Some of them had never even been used.

Having Ben in my kitchen was one thing…

“Find any?” Ben’s voice filtered through my thoughts.

He pulled the door open wider.

“Oh, this will work great,” he said, grabbing a tool from the top of the box, and disappearing.

I put the rest of them down gently and backed out of the closet, shutting the door.

In the kitchen, Ben already had the cabinet doors open and had shimmied under the sink. All I could see was his body, waist down.

For a moment it wasn’t Ben at all.

“Do you have a rag I could use?” he asked.

I handed him one.

He worked. I watched.

I missed Spencer.

“Try it now,” he said.

I turned the water on. No squeak.

“Thank you,” I said as he pulled himself out from under the sink.

He shrugged. “I could teach you how to do it,” he said.

“Why would I do that when I have you?”

The moment it was out of my mouth, I felt all my insides plummet to the floor. I gripped the counter, with the worst déjà vu I’d ever experienced. I wanted to throw up.

Ben was beside me immediately.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

I swallowed hard. “No,” I said.

He gave me a look. “And you said I’m bad at lying.”

“It’s nothing,” I said.

I couldn’t tell him. It was too much. Too soon. The tools. The memories. All of it.

And yet, I was glad he was here.

Ben rubbed my back, the circles wide and gentle. He was good at that.

“Do you need some water? A cool towel?”

I shook my head.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Just got a little dizzy.”

I could tell he didn’t believe me, but he was silent, continuing to rub my back.

That’s when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Ben stepped back, and I put a smile on my face just in time for Lena and Eve to burst back into the kitchen.

“I’m ready to go again!” Eve said.

“Great,” Ben said. “Let’s go outside and you can knock my socks off.”

The two of them left—I expected Lena to follow them, but she didn’t. She stayed in the kitchen. Just me and her.

“Want to help me make dinner?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said.

“I’ve got the meatballs defrosting,” I said. “Can you fill the pot with water for the noodles?”

Lena nodded and carried the pot to the sink.

“Hey,” she said. “The faucet isn’t screaming at us anymore.”

“Ben fixed it,” I said.

The kitchen was silent except for the running water.

“He’s nice,” Lena said.

“I think so too,” I said, feeling like I was tumbling headfirst into something I wasn’t completely ready for.

I was scared. But maybe that was okay.

Chapter 48

Now

“And that’s when they chum the water,” Ben said. “Do you know what that is?”

Eve and Lena, eyes wide open, shook their heads in unison.

“That’s when they add blood and fish guts and fish bits to the water to attract the sharks,” he said. “And let me tell you, it works pretty quickly.”

“Oh my god,” I said.

“And you’re in a cage?” Eve asked.

“With a scuba suit and oxygen,” Ben said. “It’s bloody incredible.”

“Bloody incredible,” Eve said.

“Very good,” Ben said. “Your accent gets better with each attempt.”

Eve beamed.

“Why would you want to be surrounded by sharks?” Lena asked.

She’d been mostly quiet through the meal, listening as Ben regaled us all with stories of his insane, death-defying adventures.

I’d thought paragliding and skydiving was the worst of it.

I was wrong.

The man was a lunatic.

A gorgeous, sexy, captivating lunatic.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because it’s crazy,” Lena said.

Ben ate some broccoli. “I might be a little crazy then.”

Lena looked like she agreed.

“Have you ever gone spelunking?” Eve asked.

“What is spelunking?” I asked.

Ben’s eyes gleamed. “Eve, my darling, it’s as if you read my mind. That’s next on the list.” He turned to me. “Spelunking is like skydiving, except you’re jumping into a cave with a parachute.”