Totally and Completely Fine(94)

I put my hand gently on her back. She didn’t flinch, which seemed like a good thing.

“Eve just doesn’t understand,” Lena said. “Everyone likes her. She’d probably be fine.”

She looked down at the floor.

“But I’m not popular like her. I don’t do school activities or whatever. I don’t want to be the lead in the school musical. I don’t want anyone looking at me.”

I knew exactly what that was like.

“Did you tell her all this?”

“Obviously,” Lena said. “And she said she didn’t want to be in the closet forever and that we should probably take a break.”

I could see tears begin to build in her eyes.

“Well, a break isn’t necessarily breaking up,” I said.

“I’m not going to come out,” Lena said. “Not here.”

“That’s okay,” I said.

“No, it’s not,” she said. “It’s like I have to choose between being with Eve and having the whole school know or keeping quiet but being alone.”

I felt for her. I knew a little bit about what she was talking about.

Lena wiped her eyes roughly.

“Whatever,” she said. “It’s whatever.”

“Honey—” I tried, but she was already getting up.

“I’m going home,” she said.

“Do you want Chani to drive you?”

It wasn’t a long walk, but it was a testament to how upset Lena was the way she paused and then quietly said: “Can you ask her?”

Chapter 50

Now

I stood outside Ben’s door feeling like the day had wrung me dry. Between Gabe and Lena, it seemed like half of my world was on fire, and I had no idea how to extinguish the flames. And as far as Gabe was concerned, I still didn’t even know what had been set alight.

Part of me just wanted to put my head against the wood and stay there until things miraculously figured themselves out, but I also knew that the person behind that door would probably make me feel better. That made me smile.

I knocked.

But when the door opened, my smile faded immediately.

Because Ben looked terrible.

Like he hadn’t slept or eaten. Like he was wearing yesterday’s clothes, though since everything he owned was black, they were probably just wrinkled. He’d clearly been running his hands through his hair because it was standing up in all sorts of different directions.

“Hey,” he said, his smile forced.

“What is going on today?” I asked, following him into his apartment. “First Gabe, then Lena, and now you. Is there something in the water?”

“What’s wrong with Lena?” Ben asked.

I noticed he didn’t ask about Gabe.

“She and Eve broke up,” I said.

“Oh no.” Ben sat down on his bed, looking even more miserable.

“They’ll figure it out,” I said, even though I had no clue.

“I feel like that’s probably my fault too,” he said.

I decided not to confirm that for him.

“What else is your fault?”

“Gabe’s mood,” Ben said.

My stomach was queasy. I had a feeling where this was going, and I was extremely glad I hadn’t started tonight’s conversation with: “Hey! I know we agreed this was just casual, but I’m falling for you and think you should stay in Cooper for a while. Maybe forever? Now kiss me!”

Because that would have been embarrassing.

“Fran called this morning,” he said.

I sat down on the bed next to him.

“I got the job,” he said.

Was it possible for your heart to soar and sink at the same time?

I put a big, happy smile on my face. “That’s incredible,” I said. “Congratulations Bond, James Bond.”

I gave him a hug, and he hugged me back, but I could feel the tension in his body.

“They want me back in L.A. as soon as possible,” he said. “Signing contracts. Making announcements.”

“They’re excited about you,” I said. “You should be so proud.”

“I have to be there the day after tomorrow.”

“Oh,” I said, and then realized what he was saying. “The play.”

No wonder Gabe had been freaking out. They were putting on a two-man show and one of those men was about to jet off for another gig.

“Yeah.” Ben’s expression was one of misery. “I tried to get Fran to talk to the production—to give me enough time to do the show. They wouldn’t budge.” He looked at me. “They wanted me on a plane by tomorrow morning, but I convinced them I needed at least forty-eight hours to get everything here sorted.”

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Wow.”

“At least the pay will be better,” I joked.

Ben looked at me.

“It’s more than enough for me to pay off my father. To get the house back.”

“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t realize it was that much.”

“He’s a dick,” he said. “He picked a number he thought I’d never be able to reach.”

“But now you can,” I said.