揥hat are you doing here??I reach for the water glass the waitress dropped off when she first came by for my order. A couple of sips seems to help clear my throat.
Thayer looks down at me, his hand on the chair across from me梥till waiting for a yes or no. That抯 Thayer. He won抰 push me or do anything I抦 not comfortable with. If I say no, he抣l leave or at least go to another table, and won抰 make me feel sorry for it.
His mouth twitches almost imperceptibly, but I抦 honed in on the gesture, always searching for his smiles. 揙ne usually eats in a restaurant.?
揑 meant at my table.?My fingers shake the tiniest bit when I lower them from the water glass. I hate that it抯 been so long since I抳e seen him and the man still has the ability to put me in knots. Tucking my hand under the table, I lace my fingers together.
He shrugs, still holding onto the chair like it抯 some sort of lifeline. There抯 a ring around his pinky. He never used to wear one before and I can抰 help but be curious why he does now. 揑 saw you and I thought maybe we could eat together.?
揥e had dinner the other night.?
揥ith your mother.?He points out, straightening. 揑t抯 okay. I抣l grab mine to-go.?
He turns to walk away. Lowering my head to stare at the red and white checkered tablecloth I can抰 help but feel like such a complete bitch.
揟hayer.?I sigh, shoulders drooping. He freezes, not turning fully around but giving me the side of his handsome face. 揝it down.?
He turns, facing me. 揂re you sure??
I nod. 揚lease.?
He pulls the chair out and sits. The plain gray tee he wears shouldn抰 look so nice, but it hugs his chest in all the right places.
This feels so much more awkward than the other night at my house. Then, my mom was there as a buffer. Now, it抯 only us.
揙h, I didn抰 know someone was joining you. What can I get you, Thayer??
Of course the waitress knows him梩hat抯 how it is in small towns. I抳e been gone long enough that there are enough people who don抰 recognize me.
揟he usual,?he says easily, dismissing her. He doesn抰 take his eyes off me the entire time. 揥hat are you thinking??
揧ou come here a lot.?
揟hey have good food.?He leans forward, lowering his voice. 揃esides, I told you I usually eat out.?
I take a deep breath, my chest shaking when I exhale. I hate that he makes me so nervous. I抦 an adult now. A full-grown woman. Thayer Holmes has no right having this hold on me.
Clearing my throat, I grab the stem of the wine glass and take a sip. 揌ow抯 life been??
He chuckles. 揟hat抯 a loaded question.?
揌ow so??
揑t抯 been six years, Salem,?he says like I don抰 know how long it抯 been since I saw him. 揂 lot happens in that time. Good. Bad. Happy days. Sad ones. That抯 what makes it loaded. I don抰 even know where to start.?
揂t least you seem sober.?I wince as soon as I make the comment.
He clears his throat. 揑抦 sorry you ever had to see me like that.?
揑 don抰 want you to constantly be apologizing for the past.?I look away from him, watching an elderly couple get seated a few tables over. 揑 can抰 imagine what kind of shape I抎 be in if that were棓 I bite my tongue. 揑f I had to lose a child,?I correct myself.
揑 went to therapy. I still go once a month.?He ducks his head, trying to get me to look at him. I relent, meeting that brown-eyed gaze I fell so hard for as a teen. 揧ou inspired me to do that.?
揗e??I nearly choke on my tongue. 揌ow??
揧ou told me that you went to therapy for厰 He clears his throat. 揥ell, you know.?I appreciate that he doesn抰 say it out loud. 揑 knew if you could survive your trauma and go to therapy for help then I could as well. My brother helped too. He moved in and lived with me for over a year.?
揜eally??I抦 shocked. I might抳e been the one to call Laith, but I certainly didn抰 expect him to go to that extent.
揌e ?I think he was scared of what I was turning into and didn抰 want to leave me on my own until he was certain I was in a better place. He told me you were the one to call him.?
I roll my tongue in my mouth. 揧ou wouldn抰 let me help you梐nd someone had to.?
揑 know.?He leans across the table. 揑t kills me that I pushed you away. That I hurt you the way I did.?
揟hen why did you??The question rolls off my tongue. It抯 something I抳e wondered about over the years. It seemed so unlike Thayer.
The waitress appears with a tray containing our food and a glass of water for Thayer. 揇o you need anything else??
揘o, we抮e good,?I tell her. 揟hank you.?I arch a brow at Thayer. 揝o??I prompt. I swirl a bite of linguine around the fork.
揑 was a broken man, grieving for my child. I had no idea how long I was going to be in that dark place and you were this beautiful, caring woman and I didn抰 want to drag you down with me.?He rubs a hand over his stubbled jaw, his eyes haunted from days gone by. 揑 thought I was doing the right thing, Salem. I know now it was the completely wrong one, but you were nineteen and I wanted to set you free. You would抳e waited for me, however long it took for me to pull myself out of that dark place, I know you would抳e been there and I just ?didn抰 want you to do that. You deserved more than me.?
I say it calmly, but there are tears in my eyes. 揧ou had no right to decide that on your own.?
揑 know.?He sounds choked up, his eyes watery as well.
揧ou broke my heart.?
His eyes close. 揑 know.?
揧ou made me hate you.?
His Adam抯 apple bobs. Again, those two words. 揑 know.?
We eat our meal in silence after that.
CHAPTER 12
THAYER
揧ou抮e not paying,?she argues when I pull out my wallet at the end of the meal.
揧es, I am.?I keep my tone calm and even.
揑 can pay for my own,?she grumbles, reaching for her purse.
I try to hide my smile. 揑 never said you couldn抰。？
I hand enough cash to cover the meal and tip the waitress when she passes by. Salem blinks at me open-mouthed.
揟hayer,?she groans my name, her nose wrinkling with irritation.
I don抰 know what it says about me that blood rushes straight to my dick at her tone. Even her annoyance is sexy.
揑t抯 too late now.?I shrug easily, sliding the chair back.
揧ou can pay me back in some other way.?
Her cheeks flush red. 揑抦 not sleeping with you.?
Arching a brow, I look down at her where she still sits. 揇id I say anything about sex??
She grows redder. 揥ell, no. But棓 She sputters, trying to dig herself out of this hole.
I jerk my head toward the exit. 揕et me walk you to your car.?
Her tongue rolls around her mouth and I expect her to protest, but she surprises me by replying with a simple, 揙kay.?
She gets up from the table and my hand goes to her waist. It抯 automatic條ike my body can抰 help but touch hers. She eyes my arm with narrowed, uncertain eyes. She抯 guarding her heart from me, I feel it, and I can抰 say I blame her.
Letting my hand drop, I hold open the door for her and follow her out onto the street. The sun has gone down, stars shining brightly in the night sky. It抯 one of my favorite things about living in such a small town. You always see the stars.
揗y car抯 down this way in front of my mom抯 store.?
I walk beside her, my hands in my pockets so I don抰 touch her. Being around her again makes it all too easy to fall into who I was with her before.
揟hank you,?she says after a minute, 揻or buying dinner.?
I can抰 hide my amusement and she rolls her eyes playfully at my grin. 揧ou抮e welcome.?