I抦 not sure what overcame me when I pulled my truck off the road and kissed her, but I don抰 regret it. I抳e been starved for the taste of her for too long.
And she said yes to dating me.
That gives me hope梩hat even through her hurt, she might find her way back to me. As for what kind of date I want to take her on, I have no idea. I don抰 want to just take her to a restaurant梩here抯 nothing wrong with that, but I want to put more effort into it, show her that I抦 thinking of her and want to do something special.
Locking my truck behind me, I get out and head inside to get Winnie out of her crate in the laundry room. My good girl yawns and stretches before showering me in kisses. I let her out into the backyard to go pee. As soon as she does, she scurries back in, grabs her treat from me, and dives into her cushion.
Shaking my head, I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water, guzzling it down.
It抯 obvious Salem still has feelings for me, even if those feelings might only be attraction. I抦 hoping with her giving me this chance to take her out on a date, do things right this time around, there抯 a chance for us.
Passing by Winnie, I give her head a scratch and swipe up the remote. Turning the TV on, I flip through the channels, settling on the sports channel. It抯 a golf tournament梟ot really my thing, but I抦 not planning on paying too much attention anyway.
Pulling out the chair at my puzzle table, I sit down and pick up a piece.
I抦 not sure what it is that first drew me to puzzles. I liked to do them even as a kid. It抯 a dorky hobby, but who gives a fuck. I only do shit I enjoy.
Winnie waddles into the living room with a bone in her mouth, plopping at my feet.
Despite the sound of the TV in the background, it抯 eerily quiet in the house. It抯 something I haven抰 been able to get over in the last six years. I might not have had Forrest all the time after the divorce, but the quiet was different when he was alive.
I miss his endless chatter, the million and one questions he would ask me, the sound of his feet running through the house.
Sometimes it feels like I抳e been stabbed between the ribs, the pain feels so real, knowing I won抰 hear or see him ever again. He抯 forever stuck in my memory as that little seven-year-old boy. He抎 be thirteen now, at the start of his teenage years. I抦 never going to help him learn to drive a car, or watch him graduate, or see what he decides to do with his life beyond that.
It feels like some cruel cosmic joke.
The worst is when I dream about him and wake up and have to realize all over again that he抯 gone.
After he passed, Krista begged and begged for us to have another child. She didn抰 even care if we got back together. She just wanted another baby. She thought that would make things better for her, but I knew it wouldn抰 and rebuked all her advances. She抯 not who I wanted, and I didn抰 want to bring a child into this world with someone I no longer loved.
Last I heard, she抯 married again, but I have no idea beyond that and don抰 care. Our lives are separate now.
For too long, it抯 only been me.
Well, me and Winnie梒an抰 forget her.
I think of Salem, next door, close but so far away.
I told her I wanted to date her and I meant it. I knew all those years ago she was the woman for me梟ow I have to prove that I抦 the man for her.
CHAPTER 17
SALEM
Georgia stops by to spend some time with our mom, so I use the reprieve to my advantage and go for a run. It抯 later in the day than I normally go, and the heat is killer, but I know it抣l do me good to get a workout in.
I don抰 really know or understand where I抦 going until my legs carry me to the cemetery. I search out his grave and stop in front of it with a wildflower clasped in my hand that I plucked along my way just because I thought it was pretty. Maybe my subconscious knew I抎 end up here before I did.
I lay the flower across his name and sink to my knees.
Tracing my fingers over his name, I cry, my tears splashing on the clean marble marker. Someone takes care of his grave, it抯 more well-kept than the others around him and I wonder if it抯 Krista or Thayer who does it.
揧ou would be thirteen now.?My chest shakes as I cry. 揂 teenager. A little man.?I tilt my head back toward the sky.
I抳e thought of Forrest every day since he passed. I see him in his sister. In her smile and laugh, in her zany personality, and her love for dinosaurs. Forrest is gone, but there are still pieces of him earth side.
It抯 not fair that such a young life was cut short.
He deserved more.
Accidents happen, it抯 true, but it doesn抰 make it any easier to deal with.
Death is just so fucking final and no matter how hard we try; we don抰 really know what waits for us beyond.
When I signed Seda up for swim lessons I learned exactly how common water accidents are and how silent drowning is. It抯 terrifying. And yet every time I抳e taken Seda to a public pool or we went to the beach, I see parents glued to their phones, oblivious to the horror that could so easily snatch their beloved child from them. Ignorance isn抰 always bliss. Sometimes ignorance is dangerous.
揧ou have a sister,?I tell him, wiping my damp cheeks. 揑 think you抎 love her so much. Even though you抮e older than her, I know you抎 be kind to her, let her tagalong with you. I named her after you, you know? Seda,?I whisper her name into existence, tracing my finger over his again. 揑t means spirit of the forest.?I hang my head.
Forrest抯 death was hard enough to cope with before I found out I was pregnant. And once I held my baby in my arms, I couldn抰 imagine the pain of laying a child to rest forever.
揧ou抮e a good kid, Forrest. The best.?I know I抦 talking like he抯 still here, but it抯 easier to pretend that he is when I抦 talking to him like this. 揑 miss you.?I press my fingers to my lips, kissing them before I press them to the stone.
Standing back up, I dust grass off my shorts.
I don抰 much feel like running back now, so I decide to walk instead.
Making a pitstop into the coffee shop, nearly colliding with someone when the door opens at the same time I reach for it.
揙h, I抦 so sorry!?The woman carefully balances her iced drink. 揌i,?she smiles, 搃t抯 you again. Salem, right??
揑t抯 nice to see you, Jen.?
The apothecary store owner beams. There抯 an airy warmness to her that can抰 help but draw you in. 揑 hope you抮e enjoying the salts and everything.?
揤ery much. I need to stop back in.?
揅ome in any time.?She starts to walk away, saying over her shoulder, 揑 hope you have a good day.?
揧ou, too.?
Inside the coffee shop, I place my order and grab a table while I wait. The place looks exactly the same as when I lived here before. I don抰 think they抳e changed a thing, not even the art on the walls. It feels like no time at all has passed since I left town and yet so much has changed in other ways.
When my name is called, I grab my iced coffee and head back onto the street, circling back to the house.
It抯 been a few days since Thayer asked me on a date and I haven抰 heard from him at all, despite the fact I gave him my new number. It makes me nervous that he抯 changed his mind, not to mention I抦 still trying to figure out the best way to drop the kid bomb on him. I抦 not sure there is a best way, and I don抰 know that he抣l understand my reasoning for not telling him or if he抣l believe me that I tried.
Letting myself in the side door, I walk in to find my sister crying.
揋eorgia??I set down my coffee, going to her side where she paces by the counter. 揥hat抯 wrong??