揑t抯 okay. I抣l put one on while we eat.?
She watches me, her eyes sad, and I wonder what she抯 thinking about. 揂re you happy, Salem? You don抰 look like it.?
揑抦 as happy as I can be right now.?
揑 guess that will have to do.?
I smile sadly at her, backing out of the room to finish dinner.
When it抯 ready I carry two plates of spaghetti and garlic bread into the living room. Propping her up, I fix a tray across her lap and get her comfortable before I sit down myself to eat.
The movie plays but I抦 not paying attention.
I leave it going while I clean our dirty dishes. My mom barely touched hers, but I know she tried to eat as much as she could.
By the time I return, only a handful of minutes later, she抯 fallen asleep again.
It抯 getting late anyway, so I switch off the TV, cover her more fully with the blanket, make sure she has water, and that her phone is where she can easily access it if she needs me.
揑 love you, Mom.?I kiss her forehead.
A tear leaks from the corner of my eye. Swiping it away, I quietly take the stairs and shower before heading to bed myself. It抯 been a long day and I need my rest.
Returning from my morning run, I let myself in the side door into the kitchen and smile when I see my mom at the table. There抯 a little more color to her skin this morning, more pink than gray, and I hope that means she got a good night抯 sleep.
揌ey,?I smile, adjusting my ponytail. 揂re you hungry??
揑 had some cereal,?she explains, flipping through a magazine.
揧ou know,?I say gently, 搚ou抮e not supposed to walk around without someone to help you.?
She抯 a fall risk and she knows this.
But I guess if I was in her situation, I might be a little stubborn too at times. It has to be difficult coping with needing another person to help you do basic things like use the bathroom or wash your body.
揑 had my non-slip socks on.?
揗om,?I say in a warning tone, starting a pot of coffee. 揧ou know that抯 not going to cut it.?
She sighs. 揑 felt okay this morning. I wanted to move on my own.?
揓ust be careful,?I beg.
揝alem,?she says my name softly, carefully. My back is to her, grabbing a mug for my coffee so I turn around. 揧ou know I抦 going to die, right??
I lower my head. I know. Georgia knows. We all know.
揧es.?
揑 just want to still feel like me with as little time as I have left. All right??
I give a tiny nod in understanding, damming back the tears that beg to burst forth. It抯 the worst feeling mourning someone while they抮e still alive.
揑 was thinking,?she continues, 搕hat we could bake some cupcakes together today. Since I抦 feeling okay.?
My shoulders stiffen. I haven抰 baked cupcakes since whenever the last time was I made them for Thayer. Afterwards, it hurt too much. They only make me think of him.
揥e梪h梬e can do that.?
I抦 not about to tell my dying mother no.
揑 thought we could make cookie dough. They were always your favorite. Thayer, next door梩hey抮e his favorite too. I always took some over when I made them, you know, before I got too sick to bake anymore.?
My shoulders tighten with tension.
揧-Yeah,?I stutter. 揑 remember he loved those.?
She抯 watching me carefully, with this assessing look, and I stare back. 揌e抯 a nice man. It抯 a shame what happened all those years ago. His poor son. I think I would抳e had to leave, but he hasn抰 moved.?
揗om,?I try to change the subject, 揹o you want a drink or something??
揘ot really.?She closes the magazine and slides it away from her on the table. 揌e mows the yard for me, you know??She continues on, still talking about Thayer. I don抰 want to hear about him. I don抰 want to know. It hurts too much, but I can抰 say that to her. With my back to her, I add some cream and sugar to my coffee. My hands shake, but from where she抯 sitting I know she can抰 see. 揌e comes over sometimes, I think he抯 lonely, and we抣l have a drink棓
揂re you into him??The question rushes out of me before I can stop it and I immediately cringe.
I don抰 even want to consider the possibility of Thayer and my mom. I might throw up.
揋od, no.?She laughs, but it turns into a cough. I sit down across from her, watching with a careful eye to make sure she抯 fine. 揃ut it was nice to have someone to talk to. You moved clear across the country and Georgia was busy with work and her family. I needed a friend.?
揥ell, I抦 glad you had each other.?
Fuck Thayer Holmes. He can talk and be friends with my mother, but he can抰 talk to me?
I think of all the time I spent trying to get him to open up to me. I knew he still loved me like I loved him, but it wasn抰 enough apparently, and I gave up trying. I couldn抰 be the only one trying to fix what was broken. He needed to put in some effort too and he wouldn抰。
揥hen we finish the cupcakes, you can take some over to him.?
I tap my fingers on the table and force a smile. 揝ounds great.?
It抯 been six years. I should be over him. Moved on.
But I抦 not sure you ever really move on from your one true love.
CHAPTER 3
SALEM
The kitchen smells of cupcakes and I抎 be lying if I didn抰 admit I抦 weak and cave to the need to eat one. They taste just as good as I remember, and baking felt good too. It was like riding a bicycle. I don抰 think I let myself realize how much I missed it.
揑 need to ?go sit down for a while.?My mom sounds out of breath, the weakness creeping back in.
揘o problem.?I rush around the counter to her side, giving her my arm to hold on to. I guide her into the living room, feeling her rest more of her weight against me as we go. 揇o you want to sit on the couch or the bed.?
She thinks for a moment. 揃ed.?
揙kay.?I help her into the hospital bed and cover her with blankets. 揜est, Mom.?I kiss her forehead.
揇on抰 forget to take cupcakes to Thayer.?
I stifle a groan. 揑 won抰。？
I send up a silent prayer he won抰 be home when I take them over.
Her eyes grow heavy and she抯 already dozing off asleep before I leave the room.
My phone rings and it抯 Georgia.
揌ey.?I put her on speaker so I can clean up the kitchen as we talk. 揥hat抯 up??
揌ow抯 Mom today??
揝he had some energy this morning but she抯 taking a nap now. We made cupcakes.?
揙h.?I hear the smile in her voice. 揟hat抯 good. That抯 really good.?
揑 thought so too.?I load the dishwasher.
揟hank you for coming and staying with her. I know you didn抰 want to, and I don抰 blame you, and I understand not wanting to have棓
揋eorgia, she抯 our mom. You don抰 need to thank me. I want to be here. I need to be.?
She clears her throat and I know she抯 getting a bit choked up. 揑 have to get back to work. I抣l call you later.?
揥e抮e fine.?I know my sister抯 the nurse and I抦 not, but I抦 not incapable of taking care of our mom and she has enough on her plate without worrying about what抯 going on here.
揗aybe I could drop by after my shift with some fast-food or something.?
揓ust let me know.?
We say our goodbyes and hang up. The kitchen is spotless once more, so that leaves me with no choice but to take the plate of cupcakes over to Thayer.
I know it shouldn抰， but it annoys me learning he抯 been friends with my mom. He spoke to her and never reached out to me.
Asshole.
I plate the cupcakes and cover them with saran wrap. The frosting gets smashed a bit, but I don抰 care.
Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself to face Thayer for the first time in years.