I set everything down, poking my head around the corner. She turns her head weakly and yawns.
揑抦 not that hungry.?
揥hat about ice cream??
She wrinkles her nose, and I can tell the idea alone displeases her. 揘o.?
揟hat抯 all right.?I refuse to be deterred. 揑s there something, anything you抎 like??
She shakes her head, her gaze drifting to the front window.
It hurts knowing she抯 slipping away second by second.
揑f you change your mind, let me know.?I won抰 push her on the matter right now. Maybe I抣l be lucky and get something in her a little bit later.
I finish bringing everything in, exhaling a sigh of relief when I manage to do it without bumping into Thayer. I know it抯 not something I can avoid forever, but I抦 going to try for as long as I can. That抯 the wimpy way out, but when it comes to him, I抳e never claimed to be strong.
I put the groceries away and start dinner, making some for my mom too so there抯 something to eat if she gets hungry.
揝hould we watch a movie??I ask, sitting down on the couch with my plate.
揑 was wondering厰 She starts, clearing her dry throat. I immediately hop up and hold out her water for her to sip. 揥ould you read a book to me? There抯 one I抳e been wanting to read, but棓
揥hich one??I look around for it.
揑t抯 right there.?She points to it on the coffee table. 揑 had Georgia pull it for me, but never picked it up.?
Scooping up the book, I sit down and curl my legs under me. I balance my plate on the arm of the couch and open the book.
When I start to read, she smiles.
I take a mental picture of this moment, knowing it抯 one I抣l cherish forever.
CHAPTER 5
SALEM
揗ommy!?
Seda runs straight for me when I open the door to the brownstone.
I crouch down, catching her just as she launches herself at me. 揗y girl,?I breathe, inhaling her scent. She smells like grass from playing outside mixed with her watermelon shampoo.
揑 missed you so much, Mommy.?She cups my cheeks in her soft hands. 揑s Grandma okay??
揝he抯 all right.?I put my hand over one of hers. 揃ut she doesn抰 have much time left with us.?
揥hen can I visit? I miss her. I made a drawing for her. I抣l show you.?Then she抯 running off, presumably to locate the drawing.
I stand up, just in time to see Caleb walk out of the kitchen and lean against the archway. 揝he抯 talked about your mom non-stop.?
I blow out a breath I didn抰 even know I was holding. 揑抳e tried to explain to her, but I don抰 think she fully grasps what抯 happening.?
揝he抯 five,?he reasons, tossing a rag over his shoulder. 揂re you hungry? I抦 getting ready to put leftovers away.?
揝tarving.?Seda comes running back to me with a piece of printer paper.
揕ook, Mommy.?She holds it up. 揝ee that抯 grandma in her bed,?she points at the stick figure with yellow hair, 揳nd that抯 my brother. He抯 an angel and he抯 waiting for her.?
I grind my teeth together, so I don抰 burst into tears. Caleb and I have made an effort to talk about Thayer and Forrest with her. She knows that Caleb is her dad, but that she has another one too who was sad when her brother passed and wasn抰 capable of being in her life because of it. It抯 a whole complicated situation and trying to explain it to her in a way she understands is hard at times.
I put her in swim safety lessons as a baby too. I wanted to make sure she knew every tool she could use in case anything happened.
Reaching for her, I pull her into a hug and rest my chin on top of her head. 揧eah, baby girl. He is.?
Her little arms wrap around my neck梬ell, they抮e not so little anymore, but I think I抣l always see her that way. 揌e抣l make sure she抯 okay, so you don抰 have to cry, Mommy.?She holds my cheeks, looking into my eyes with ones the color of Thayer抯。 Warm and chocolatey. 揅rying isn抰 bad,?she repeats back to me what I tell her all the time, 揵ut I don抰 like it when you抮e sad.?
I kiss her cheek. 揑抦 not sad, baby. Just so proud of you.?Standing, I hold on tight to her drawing. 揗ommy抯 hungry. Do you want to sit with me while I eat??
揑 want to draw some more before I go to bed.?
I laugh when she runs off. Clearly, I missed her more than she did me.
Caleb抯 already plating some of the dinner he made and popping it into the microwave.
揑 could抳e done that.?I grab a soda from the fridge.
揑 know.?He braces his hands on the counters, his muscles flexing. 揌ow抯 your mom doing??His voice is low so Seda can抰 overhear.
I shake my head, sliding onto the barstool. 揘ot good, which is expected, but she抯 talking and still getting around somewhat on her own梞ostly because she抯 stubborn and tries to refuse help every chance she gets.?
Caleb chuckles, pulling the plate out of the microwave and setting it in front of me with a fork. 揝ounds like Allison.?
揑 promise once all of this is over, I抣l be out of your hair.?I can抰 help but look around the kitchen, the cabinets I picked out when we remodeled, the polka dot cannisters for flour and sugar I chose for a pop of whimsy.
Caleb rolls his eyes at me, grabbing a beer. 揥e抮e still friends. We抣l always be friends. And,?a shadow flickers over his face, 揺ven if that idiot comes back into the picture, I抣l always be in Seda抯 life. You can抰 take her from me, and neither can he.?
揅alm down,?I tell him, forking a piece of meatloaf. 揥e抳e talked about this. I would never do that to you. Seda loves you梱ou might not be her father by DNA抯 standards, but you are her dad by all the ways that count. I understand more than anyone that DNA doesn抰 make a father.?
Caleb抯 head lowers and he looks at me from beneath his lashes. 揟hank you.?
The one and only thing we argued over during the divorce was Seda. Caleb was terrified that I抎 take her from him and he抎 never see her again. I could never be that cruel. Caleb stepped up to the plate, for me, for her, when Thayer was too lost in his grief for me to reach. I wouldn抰 only be punishing Caleb if I took her away, I抎 be hurting her.
揑抦 sorry,?he adds, running his fingers through his blond hair. 揑 guess with you back there, it has me feeling uneasy.?
揌ey,?I say softly, reaching across the counter to place my hand on his. 揧ou have nothing to worry about. Not with Seda.?
He clears his throat, and I can tell he抯 getting a bit choked up. 揑抦 going to watch TV.?
揂ll right.?
I finish eating in silence, then put my plate in the dishwasher. The kitchen is already spotless, so I go to the playroom on the first floor where I抦 sure I抣l find Seda.
She抯 scribbling madly on a piece of paper, creating another masterpiece. 揑t抯 bath time, missy,?I tell her from the doorway.
揢gh, but Mom棓
揘o buts.?I shake my head, letting her know not to argue. 揂fter you finish your drawing its bath time and then to bed.?
She gets a mischievous look. 揥ill you read me a bedtime story??
揙ne.?I hold up a finger and wiggle it. 揂nd only one. You抮e not sweet-talking me into more tonight.?I stick my tongue out at her, and she giggles. We both know I抦 weak when it comes to her. Not that I抦 a pushover, but I love spending time with my girl. These moments when she抯 a child are so fleeting. I want to enjoy them and make special memories with her. Especially since I抦 not sure I抣l have more kids. That was a big factor in the divorce. Caleb wants more kids, and I won抰 keep him from that.
While Seda finishes her drawing, I head upstairs with my bag to the guestroom where I moved my things months ago. Caleb tried to get me to stay in the master, saying he was fine with the smaller room, but I reminded him I don抰 plan on living here like he does.