Totally and Completely Fine(103)

“I want to be with you,” I said. “It will be hard, but I think we can make it work.”

“Lauren,” Ben said.

“I can come visit the set, and you can come to Montana during breaks, and we can try.”

“Lauren.”

“I just…I just think I might be falling in love with you,” I said.

“I turned down the movie,” he said.

I pulled back.

“What?”

He smiled at me. “I told them no.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“But…but it’s Bond.”

“It’s a movie,” he said.

“Your career—”

“—will survive,” he said. “I’m not quitting—there will be other roles, other jobs. Hopefully ones that won’t be on the other side of the globe for years at a time or strip away all of my privacy. Besides, I have a pretty sweet gig already lined up at a brand-new theatre in Cooper, Montana.”

“Fran?”

“Fired her,” Ben said. “She was thrilled. Wants us to come visit for the holidays.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. But…

“What about the money?” I asked. “Your mom’s house?”

He took a deep breath.

“Having the house won’t bring her back,” he said. “I think I’ve finally accepted that. And I don’t think she’d want me to give up the chance for something special. For someone special.”

He tucked my hair back behind my ears.

“I’m talking about you,” he said.

I let out a watery little laugh, but I couldn’t speak.

I was happy and overwhelmed and terrified and so many other things all at once.

What was I afraid of?

The truth was, everything. Of loving again. Of losing again.

Of everything I couldn’t control.

Of falling.

I didn’t have to stop being scared—but I was ready to take risks again. That was the thing about being willing to be dropped forty or so feet. You had to trust that you were strapped in—that you’d done all you could to stay safe.

I’d waited so long to allow myself to love Spencer. To love.

I wasn’t going to wait this time.

So, I took a breath.

I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow or next week or next year.

That was okay.

Now was good.

“Hey,” he said, his fingers under my chin, lifting my face to his.

“Hey,” I said.

“What were you saying?” he asked. “About maybe falling in love with me?”

“Never mind,” I said. “I thought I was talking to the next James Bond.”

Ben laughed and put his forehead to mine.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I whispered again, needing to say it. Needing him to hear it.

“Lauren,” he said. “I’m already there.”

Chapter 57

Then

“This is a fantastic cookbook,” I told Spencer.

It had been sent to the Cozy the other day and I’d taken it home, hoping to dig into a recipe or two, but I couldn’t narrow down which one I wanted to try.

“That’s great,” he said, patting down his pockets. “Have you seen my keys?”

“Next to the mail,” I said. “Oooooh, a new brownie recipe.”

“Like anything could top yours,” he said, leaning over my shoulder.

“There’s always room for improvement.”

“Where’s Lena?” he asked.

“At my mom’s,” I said. “She’s got an English test tomorrow.”

“Smart,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Okay, I’m off.”

I nodded, focused on the book in front of me. At some point, we were going to have to tell Gabe to stop sending Spencer money for school or he’d never graduate. Which I was pretty sure was his goal.

“I’ll stop at the store after class,” Spencer said. “So let me know if you want anything.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Love you,” he said.

“Love you too,” I murmured. “Oooh, almond extract, that’s unexpected. I don’t think we have any in the pantry. Spencer, get me some when you’re at the store, okay?”

Nothing.

I looked up.

He was already gone.

Epilogue

Now

Sometimes I wished that I could Vulcan mind meld with Lena and give her all the memories I had of Spencer. But I couldn’t. All I could do was tell her about her father—all the stories, all the moments, all the ways we loved each other. All the ways he loved her.

He loved her so much.

And he would have blubbered like a baby seeing her tonight. She looked beautiful in her bridesmaid dress, with her hair cut short in a sleek bob that would have made her look at least sixteen if it wasn’t for the way she kept tugging at the back of her hem.

The groom couldn’t stop smiling. And not just smiling, but smiling and looking over at his wife, who kept smiling and looking at him.

“You two are gross,” I told Gabe.

His tie matched Chani’s sparkly blue dress. Sans sparkles.