Totally and Completely Fine(104)

“I know,” he said. “Isn’t it great?”

I wrapped an arm around him. “Yeah,” I said. “It is.”

The wedding had come together perfectly, which was a good thing because Gabe and Ben and Ollie were going to be opening a show—and a theatre—in two weeks. We were all bracing for the onslaught of press and famous folk, and I was pretty sure that was the reason Gabe and Chani had wanted to get married before all that happened.

Gabe kissed the top of my forehead. “Thanks for being my best man.”

“I’m surprised you picked me over Ollie, to be honest,” I said.

“He wanted to officiate,” Gabe said.

“He did a great job.” I looked across the store to where Ollie and his husband were talking to Chani and her friend Katie. Her parents were talking to Mom, and her siblings were talking to Jacinda, who had surprised all of us with her presence—which I assumed was the point.

“He would have settled for nothing less than greatness,” Gabe said.

The bookstore was decked out—lots of twinkle lights wrapped around shelves, flowers on every surface, and we’d also managed to make enough room for a small dance floor in the center.

Gabe and I stood there, at the edge of it all, and I closed my eyes for a moment, soaking up the love around me, and also missing Spencer. The way I always missed him.

But it was okay. Feeling both things at once.

I was learning how to do it.

The funny thing was that I was pretty sure Spencer would have really liked Ben. I knew, without a doubt, that he would have been so happy that I was happy.

Music started playing, and Gabe gave my shoulder a squeeze.

“That’s my cue,” he said.

I didn’t recognize the song, but it was an older one—some pop song from years and years ago—and when Gabe reached Chani, she gave him a gentle slap on the arm. He just grinned and pulled her onto the dance floor before dipping her deeply in a move I remembered from his first Bond movie.

“I never knew Gabe could dance off-screen too,” Ben said.

He’d come from the refreshment table and handed me some sparkling water with lime. Gabe had insisted he didn’t mind having alcohol at the wedding, but the rest of us agreed that a dry wedding would be just as much fun.

“I think this is the extent of his dancing,” I said.

Then I took my time taking Ben in.

His suit was blue, hair long and gorgeous, earring glinting in the light. He wore his usual boots, but they were shined to a mirror finish. Just last week he’d signed a year lease for a rental house just outside of town. We were talking about taking a trip in the next year or so. I hadn’t told him yet, but I’d also started researching places to go skydiving. I thought by then I might be ready to give it a try.

“I don’t have the same moves,” he said. “But I’ve been told my enthusiasm makes up for a lack of skill. Want to dance?”

Before I could answer, we were approached by the second-cutest couple in attendance—Lena and Eve. They’d decided to wait to tell people about their relationship, but when they were in safe spaces, they were as cozy as any couple could be. It was nice to be able to give them a place to do that.

“You guys look great,” Ben said.

“Thank you!” Eve said. “Did I tell you that I’m getting fitted for my costume next week?”

“Awesome!” Ben said, the two of them exchanging a high five.

Of course Eve had landed the role of the Witch. Ben had coached her every day until the audition, and I’d heard her Irish accent—it was pretty damn good.

Not as good as Ben’s, of course.

“I like teaching,” he’d confessed to me. “Maybe I can run some sort of after-school acting program.”

I knew he’d be great at it.

He’d also been teaching Lena how to repair things. They used Spencer’s tools and started with the rickety chairs that were at the intersection. Fixed the legs, sanded the whole thing, and gave them a new coat of paint.

We were both discovering new things that we liked. With Ben’s encouragement, I had started taking an online design class. Just simple stuff, like how to make a pattern, but I liked it. He’d been right—I did like to learn.

I’d also started offering a new service at the Cozy—Pockets for All—where people （women mostly） could bring in articles of clothing that they’d like pockets added to. Allyson, of course, was my best customer and publicist.

She was dating someone she’d met at a speed dating event.

A woman.

“It’s all very new,” she said. “But I like her a lot.”

We had scheduled a double date for next week. Ben was excited to meet her date, but even more excited about going out to dinner in town with me.

I realized Diana knew about Ben when she left a message for me, screaming that I was desecrating Spencer’s name and our marriage and that I was a whore and I’d always been a whore and I’d always be a whore. I deleted the message and blocked her number. Cried about it, but just a little. Then I’d gone to Ben’s new place and fucked him until her words faded away and all I could hear was Ben’s voice, rough and right, telling me what a good, good girl I was.

I was certain I’d never tire of the way he said my name.